🎂 Still Standing: A Midlife Manifesto

I’m still standin' better than I ever could.

Remember that song? I can't help but hum it as I write this. I love ‘80s music—and today, it feels more relevant than ever. It’s my birthday. 1980, baby. I’m forty-five.

But honestly? I thought I’d wake up feeling… different. More energized. More fulfilled. More certain that everything I’ve been manifesting was finally on its way.

Because last week—I really believed that was the case. I thought all the setbacks were behind me.

Instead, I woke up with no voice. (Allergies or a sinus infection—who knows?) I’ve been sick more in the past two months than I have in my entire life. And the other week when I was hired to soak in the sunlight of my travel content creator’s dreamlife? Well...

My hubby, who is always a blast in vacay mode, got sick. And my newly purchased MAC makeup got stolen on the plane, on the way there.

Sad start to the trip. Not just because I hadn’t even opened the bag but because it had been a birthday gift to my forty-five-year-old self. A love letter to enhance my new, more mature face instead of focusing on the wrinkles. I’d finally found products that turned me into a glowy, gooey, glazed donut. And just like that, they were gone. I was a pile of aging dust again. Sigh.

But the week went well… as well as it could with one man down. I got some amazing shots. The client was happy.

Then we got home, and I woke up with the flu. I kid you not. Dustin left for a business trip the next day, the internet quit, and my daughter also got sick. I was cleaning up vomit in the middle of the night, still nauseous myself, wondering: What more, Universe? What else are you trying to show me? Do I need to slow down? Or is this the part where I push through?

Because pushing is what I do.

I’m Taurus, baby. I don’t spiral—I work. I don’t crumble—I strategize.

And boom, I pushed. Last week, I started a new 12-week workout plan. I was kicking ass. I had momentum. I was ready to hit the gym again today, line up new jobs, own my workout.

But clearly, the universe had other plans.

And here’s the thing—I haven’t just been pushing physically. I’ve been doing the inner work too. Journaling. Meditating. Planning content late into the night. Pitching to brands. Even investing in courses—which just reminded me of what I already know: I’m good. I’m a self-motivated researcher who can teach herself anything.

I’ve been writing, creating, and branding for over a decade. I’ve poured heart, style, and strategy into every corner of this dream. So why does it still feel like I’m stalling?

Last month, I had major traction. I booked four amazing agency jobs in days. Got paid to travel to Puerto Vallarta and make content for an AirBnB. I mean, life was sweet!

Cue the agency payment glitches. Cue the Amazon ad issues. Cue the endless bank calls. Cue the emotional burnout.

Still, I try to hold the line: Don’t focus on the lack. Keep your vibration high. Trust the timing.

But what do you do when you’ve done everything “right,” and you’re still being tested?

Maybe midlife isn’t about reinvention. Maybe it’s about resilience. About finding strength not in new beginnings—but in staying.

Maybe faith isn’t about perfect positivity. It’s believing when you’re discouraged. It’s waking up sick and tired, making your apple cider vinegar drink, opening ChatGPT because, honestly… you’re lonely and want to talk about soul stuff no one else brings up.

It’s replying to emails. Sending another pitch. Whispering to the universe: Okay. I’m still here. I’m still grateful for everything. I still believe.

Maybe that’s the point. Maybe everything is still working, even when it feels like a mess. The delays, the frustration, the silence—maybe they’re just pauses before the leap.

When I pivoted from publishing back to marketing—specifically UGC—I thought it would be a stepping stone. A bridge back to agency work from the other side, or possible fashion. Who knows, maybe even home design. I was ready to go with the flow. Let the universe lead.

But not one bite on LinkedIn. Not one interview. That’s not what I’m used to.

Back in the day, I couldn’t go a week without a headhunter contacting me about a potential job. I was in high demand. Yes, there’s a gap in my résumé now. I’ve been self-employed for ten years, but I’m overqualified for most of the roles I’ve applied to. And while I love creating content, I still feel like I’m waiting for my next big shift.

That inner pull hasn’t gone away. The one that whispers: There’s something else for you. Another adventure. A bigger stage.

But each day without movement chips away at my confidence. I start wondering if I’m doing something wrong. I try not to force it—but pushing is my default.

Still, maybe the illness is the message. Maybe the universe is slowing me down on purpose. Because I rarely rest. I rarely listen to the parts of me that require stillness.

Maybe this season is about surrender.

But here’s the thing. I’ve been told to slow down, to rest, to let go of the pushing. But that’s just not me. It feels like giving up. It feels like failure. And honestly? I love the hustle. I love being busy. Sitting back and relaxing feels like torture.

And here’s what I’ve realized: I can still get what I want. Sure, maybe I slow down my own manifestations with my bullish nature, but I also love the work. I love the movement. I’m okay with that.

But okay Universe, I hear you. I promise to try and relax more once the summer comes. I’ll lay by the pool, soak in the sun, and let it happen. I’ll still push, but I’ll find balance in the rest too.

One moment reminded me of this balance. When my makeup was stolen, I was crushed. These were products that finally worked with my skin. Part of me thought: Is this a sign to give up? Was I foolish to believe this trip was a manifestation come true?

But something nudged me to reach out to MAC Cosmetics. To make a TikTok. I thought, I will track down this sales associate who helped me build the perfect kit at the airport counter, and I’ll re-buy whatever those magical, mystical products were. Damn it, I will be a gooey, glowy donut for my birthday.

And guess what happened? They couldn’t find her. But I got the products anyway. They sent them to me… for free. Right before my birthday.

And that’s manifestation, isn’t it? It’s things working out… but not always in the timing or the way you envisioned them.

So if you’re feeling tested today too—if you’re pushing, but it’s not quite lining up—just know: you’re not stuck. You’re still moving forward. You’re still doing the work. And for me, that’s where the magic is.

I know I can’t control the how and the when. But I also know I’ll never stop pushing—not because I think I have to, but because I love it. It’s what makes me who I am. And that’s what makes all the difference.

Here’s to continuing to believe—even when it’s hard. Even when it’s quiet. Even here.

Happy birthday to the woman who still believes—through the tests, through the tears, then and now.

I’m still standing.